Guys, do you know any awesome webpage, programm etc. where I can start studying Microbiology? 3 weeks to got and I haven’t started yet :(

pleeeease!

hello beautiful people! 

It’s been a long time I created anything on here, the reason was, I felt quite fine.

Now I’m sitting here - not fine at all - returning to this wonderful thing we call tumblr and I hope it is still the same supporting space of peace I am looking for right now. 
My studies have been fine so far and I discovered my place in the crazy world of soft-skills training. Within this world I found some one, I feel I could love. 

But this feeling fades with every day the sun fades from the sky. We do live 500 miles apart and we do not live in the same country. I try to be patient and wait for him to answer, but my mind cannot bear this anymore. We spent the most beautiful three nights together and he might be the person I would love to spend the rest of my life with, just because of what he does, how he acts, the way he treats me. 

But this waiting thing is just not the right thing for me. Does he even think of me, when his plane departs? I wish to wish him a nice journey, a safe flight, but I feel like I am annoying him with all my texts he does not answer. Where am I going to by following this path?!

For the first time this semester, I’m sitting here and open this blog again. I scroll through the pages and try to elaborate, what this girl writing this blog could be like. Right now I’m listening to a song I haven’t listened to for more than 4 years. Am I still the same person who needs this song to fall asleep?

I feel like I have grown up. I’m still sad and I have my dark moments. I still don’t have the people to talk to, I still don’t have someone to spill my heart to.

But I am on the way to myself. I had some rememorable talks this last year and step by step I get to know my role in this world a little better. I’ve learned that people love me. 

I still have those moments where I feel way too fat to even exist. I have them a lot. I still have those moments where I just want to wrap up in my blankets and not talk to anyone. 

This life still scares me to hell. I’m just a little girl in a world, that is way too messy for me. Too big. Too chaotic. And yet too well organised for my mind, because I’m still not able to follow up. 

But I will grow into it. And by growing, I feel like I have grown out of this blog. You may have realised, how much it has changed during the years and how there were times, that nothing happened at all. And recently there has been a very long time. I didn’t feel like telling anyone about my feelings, because I somehow got to tell people - in person. 

A line in the song I’m listening to says: “I wanna start this over again.”

That’s what I’m going to do. 

It hurts, a lot. I feel like I’m ripping something off my heart. An important part of me. Something I appreciated for a long time and on the other hand haven’t realised for even longer. 

“I’ve made my mistakes, got nowhere to run” - I will find find somewhere to run. And on my way finding it, I will leave this somewhere behind me. I love every single one of you, for following and caring, for fighting your own little dragons.

x 

Sophia